Personal Testimony Of A Russian American Woman

                                                  Does God really know us before we are born?                                                              

In the book of Jeremiah, God says "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart ;"( Jeremiah 1:5) this applies to each and every one of us. I want to tell you my story of how God was guiding me throughout my life, and I want to tell you that I do not believe in coincidence anymore. 

 My parents, after they have got married, really wanted to have a daughter by the name of Irina. On June 5, 1968 their dream became true; at 3 A.M., I was born. On the day when they put my name on my birth certificate, my mom’s sister with her two years old daughter came to visit us at the hospital. But when they showed me to my cousin and introduce me as "Irina "she said that my name will be Ludmila. Everyone started tell her that my name is Irina. My cousin started to cry and demanded that my name is Ludmila and my parents better never come home if they will name me any other name than Ludmila.

Well, everyone had a good laugh by her persistence to change my name. When registration lady came in to ask what name she should be writing in birth my certificate, something happen. At last minute, my parents changed my name from Irina to Ludmila.

And that is how story of Ludmila begins.

At age three, I attended a funeral where one of my relatives passed a way at age 65.
I remember a lot of people were crying, and I remember thinking what happens to us after we die? How I will not see my mommy and daddy anymore? What! I have only 62 years to live? ( Do not ask me how I did math at that age, but my dad started  teaching me math and geography before I started to talk  and by age five, I knew every capital  of all the countries in the world. I knew times tables; how to subtract multiply, divide and I knew what time it is). 

I just could not imagine that. All of the sudden, I knew that there is a way not to die!  I did not know how, but I knew it’s possible. I even said to my self, “I will NOT Die!” Many years have passed by, but I still remember that day!

I was born and raised in the atheist promoting USSR.  The communist leaders told us that there is no God and that we came from a special breed of monkey!

My grandmother was a believer. When I turned 14, she told me that there is God who created us. While explaining this to me, she taught me the Lord's Prayer. And she told me that there is book called the "Bible" where talks about the Lord, the creation of earth and all livings things.  But at that age, all what I was thinking about is playing with friends, studying at school, and going to movies etc., etc.

Where I grew up, every priest in the "church" was a KGB officer (You can believe me or not but it’s true, at least where I grew up.) I remember passing, one day, by the church where the old ladies usually sit outside the "church” and hearing them talking about officer- "batushka"(priest).  He was sick, again, because the night before after changing his robe in to his suite he picked up couple girls and went to the restaurant to drink vodka and dance, and now he is suffering from hangover. How you can think about God in this kind of country?!

When I was 18, I met a guy who works for my dad. One day my dad saw me with him sitting on the bench under my window. When I came home my dad smacked me in the face and told me that he does not want to see that guy around me anymore, that he knows him well and he is not good for me. But that smacking and talking to hurt my ego and I told my dad that he will call him a son ... Two months later I had my wedding.

When we came into the marriage house, the communist lady started reading the marriage speech. All of the sudden, I felt someone tying their arms around me and I could not move. I heard a Someone speaking to me. “Do not get married, walk away. This is not for you; you have a different purpose to be here on earth. This marriage will not less long." I got scared. I did not know what to think! When it came to the part were you agree to take him as your husband, as I said yes...I felt that Someone started opening their arms. Also, I heard Someone out loud saying "why did you do that, it’s not for you, it’s not for you..." I finally was able to move. As I turned around, looking through the guests, who were standing behind me, I saw a Man who was wearing white and gold robe. He was about seven feet tall, with blue eyes, and dark wavy hair falling on his shoulders.  I remember a tears coming from His eyes.
Then, walked through my guests and disappeared! Can you imagine how I felt!
I forgot about the wedding. All what I wanted at that moment was to run to my mom and ask her about that Man! Who is He?!

A couple hours later, when everyone had gotten drunk and forgot about the newlyweds, I ran in to my mom and asked her if she saw that Man, if she heard what he was saying.... She did not...and neither of the other guests.

The following weekend we were passing by a church and mom and I decided to ask the old ladies about "that Man". Well, ladies all agreed on one thing: it defiantly was an Angel, but some said it was the Archangel Michael. Some of them said it was the Archangel Gabriel. Yeah right, that “really” helps us… Like my mom and I really knew at that time who the Archangels Michael or Gabriel is.

Well, my marriage did not survive long. After I had my baby girl (just guess which name I give her, lol, of course I named her Irina,) my dad caught my husband with another woman. A few days later my husband physically abused me so bad, that I ended up in the emergency room with feminine bleeding. And on top of that the doctors decided to do procedure without local anesthesia! You must be kidding me! It’s not enough that I have been beaten up, but I also had no anesthesia! What   luck, ah! And for the second time I heard again Someone speaking to me" "Do not be afraid. Say the Lord’s Prayer and everything will be fine" I did exactly what I have been told and I did not feel a thing!!!

A couple of years later, as I was coming back from work around 1 A.M., I saw six or seven guys drinking in the street. To get home, I had to walk by them; there was no other way for me to go around those guys. When they saw me coming, they moved towards me. As I looked at their faces, I was just imagining what is going to happen to me... And again I heard Someone saying, "Walk straight and do not be afraid." When I got closer to the guys, they stepped back on both sides of sidewalk and froze. And as soon as I passed them they returned back to drinking without even looking at me, like I never was there! Well, thank you, Who ever you are for helping me again!

In 1990 we had the first Russian-American expedition of Ham radio operators. I was chosen I to be in the group to meet the Americans in Moscow. In the hotel Ukraine, where we were staying, we meet another American man by the name of Frank Starmer, who came to Moscow to do volunteer medical work.  He invited us into his room for some coffee. When we got there my attention was brought to a green book. When I opened the book it said "Bible" and I remember what my grandma told me about this book. I do not know what kind of expression my face showed at that time, but Frank grabbed the Bible, signed it and gave it to me as a present. But my curiosity did not last long. I tried to read it, but I could not understand anything!

Year later, I came to U.S. where I married one of the guys from expedition. Unfortunately, that second marriage did not last long either. Do not get me wrong, my second husband is a very nice man, a great father who replaced the birth father for my daughter, but...

Well, hello United States, country of freedom! Mom and dad were far away. I started smoking cigarettes, drinking, partying etc. In one word I started living a sinful life.
I had very good job, I was making good money, but I did not save a penny! Life was too good to think that something bad could happen to me! 
However, every once in a while I would think what happened, how come no One helping me in bad moments of my life since I came to U.S? Oh well! And I would return back to my sinful life style!

In January of 2000, I injured my back at work, but I continued work until May 1.
That day at work I bent over to pick up box, but I could not straighten my back and the pain became unbearable. So I finally decided to visit the doctor. To make a long story short; I became totally disabled. Overnight, I lost everything including my health. From that day on my life became a nightmare. This is the time when you start see reality and understand that no one cares for you. Your company doesn't care for you; government doesn’t care for you. Even assistant of my attorney “suggested" to me go back to Russia. But I'm an American citizen! I need a visa to go to Russia! My doctors did not believe me, thinking that I was faking my pain. Before the injury, I was a very energetic person. All of my life I was into sports. Then overnight I became immobile. I could not walk without a walker or cane. My daughter had to assist me to go to bathroom and when she was at school I remember laying down in the sofa and crying for being so helpless and thinking that I do not want to live anymore. I started smoking an average of one in the half to two packs of cigarettes a day. I became addictive to pain killers. I smoked pot. I tried anything to stop the pain. I started to hate the daylight. I did not want to see anyone especially the doctors. I wanted to stay only
in my dark room.  I hated the sun; I hated myself; I hated life. I remember my friend would take me to the doctor and I would cry all the way until we get back home. 

In the summer 2004, my daughter runs away from home because she could not take this living situation anymore. I tried to commit suicide, but my friend saved me in time. And if this is not enough, I found out also from my mom that my dad started drinking a lot. In December 2004, my parents came to visit me here in U.S. My mom took me aside and told me that she could not take his drinking anymore and she is about to leave my father, but in the same time she feels if she leaves him  that my dad will became a bum. To prove his drunkenness she showed me pictures of my drunken dad passed out in the street in the mud. The pictures were terrifying!

My heart was broken seeing those pictures. Well, let me tell you something else. Even though I was 35 years old at that time, and smoked for 15 years already, in respect to my parents I never smoked in a front of them. I would sneak out to smoke, then after that, run and brush my teeth to cover up smoke smell. But I think my parents knew what I was doing. All of what went through my mind is “God (and usually we use that name without understanding of meaning, at least I did) God if I ever I stop smoking, please let my dad stop drinking"! I asked my mom to stay with my dad and give him a chance, maybe situation will change.
My parents went back to Russia in February. After they left, I literally started banging my head against the wall crying and hating even more my life and thinking again to end my life. 

 In April 4, 2005 Pope John Paul II died. On April 8 at 1A.M. PST, the TV was showing the live ceremony of his funeral. I decided to watch. One thing was brought my attention that his death brought so many people of all different religions, political backgrounds etc.

I remember taking a “hit"; smoking cigarettes; taking “hit”; smoking cigarettes. I smoked about two packs over three hours, of funeral, and I was crying all the time. 

The thought went through my mind, "who is this man who brought so many people together. Even Jesus Christ was not able to do that." It’s funny, but at that time I even did not know who Jesus Christ is!

Well, I went sleep around 5 A.M. and I had an interesting dream: I saw over a bright blue sky the face of John Paul who had a big smile looking at me and with his eyes pointing at me. Also, I felt that someone else was there, but I did not see who that could be, but strongly felt His presence.

I woke up around 11A.M, smelling food coming from outside. My bedroom was located on the second floor and I came down and saw that my friend started the BBQ for lunch. When I came down I saw that he was smoking cigarette and I decided to take a "drag”. While I was walking towards him all of the sudden I heard that Someone said to me "You do not smoke anymore ".Ignoring warning I continued to do as I planned. I took a cigarette and tried to inhale, but I realized that I did not know how to smoke! Instead of inhaling I was blowing out smoke! The smell of the cigarette and taste was so nasty! And now for the second time I heard Someone saying in a very loud and strong way to me" You do not smoke and you never will"! Wow, Who is this talking to me?  Well, hold on where is my cane or walker, I started thinking, “How did I come down?” I did not use a cane?! I did not take any drugs for pain?! Wait a minute! What is going on here? Then I turned around and I saw a beautiful red rose which just bloomed and I beautiful green grass.

A strange feeling came over me. I feel alive in them! I looked up and saw over a bright blue sky a gorgeous sun and I wonder, am I dead?! Now really, what is going on here? Did I really die? I turn to my friend and ask him if his is standing at my grave? Well, he told me it looks like I over did the drugs and I need to slow down. And again Someone said to me “The old you are dead and I am giving you a second life to live. Now go get Bible and start study, because from now on you start work for Me ".
 Since then I’ve been reading the Bible which was lying down on the book shelve and waiting for me for 15 years! And now, after study a Holy Scriptures I have a very good idea the spirit of God was leading me all of this time!

The very next day I called my mom to share my joy and happiness. And my mom said that on the very same day April 8, after my dad  have been non- stop drinking for five or six days, my daddy  make a statement that he will never drink again! Wow! What a coincidence…or not!!!

 In June after 13years I visited Russia to see my parents. A lot of interesting things happened over there too. But I will tell you next time.

On July 4, only couple hours before my flight back to U.S. my dad confesses to me about what happened to him on that day. In the morning of April 8 he woke up with a huge hang over. So he decided to continue drinking. He went to the kitchen to fill his glass with vodka and as soon as he brought it to his mouth he felt Someone slap him in the hand and say "You do not drink anymore!" He got so scared thinking that he drank to a point of “white heat” and if that is not enough that maybe he was hallucinating! (In Russia it means you reach a highest level, next its only long rehab or mental institution).

Two hours later, his hang over was taking over again and he went back in to kitchen fill up glass again and as soon as he brought it closer to his mouth someone slapped him so hard in the hand that glass fell to he floor and broke. This time (and I’m sure now) the spirit of God said to him sternly "You DON’T drink and you never WILL again". He’s been free for three years now of alcohol! My mom is so happy that she did not leave my dad and they are together. God bless them forever!

I will continue to write my personal testimony   next time, because at that time it was only the beginning of new life and new joy and new revelations into my life.

 But for now I would like to share with you, that after waiting for so many months and prayers to the Almighty, I finally got baptized on April 12, 2008. HalleluYah!

Why did I tell you everything in detail? Because recently I read the book titled “The Miraculous Significance of NUMBERS and COLOURS as they appear IN THE HOLY SCRIPTURES" written by M.D. Stewart. And three numbers really brought my attention .Those numbers is 5,8and 12.

According to Stewart, the number 5, in the Scriptures, is identified as blessing and mercy.  Well, let me now explain why I told you how I got my name.  My name in Russian is Ludmila came from two words- Lud which stands for people and Mila which stands for mercy or blessings. So if you translate Ludmila, it means blessing or mercy to people.

The number 8 in the Scriptures means Immortal. Well, my second life was given to me on April 8.

The number 12 is for Perfection of Administration. I was baptized on April 12.

Now you tell me is this is coincidence in my life? Or is it God telling us His truth through the Prophet Jeremiah1:5?

I would love to hear from you! I’m sure that every one of us at least once in their life feels God’s power, love and care!
God bless everyone!
In Christ,

Sister Lucy